When we received our itinerary for this journey it listed "optional visit to child's orphanage or SWI, Social Welfare Institute. My initial reaction was we would not be taking Annie back there. That after having her with us for three days it would be too confusing for her.
Enter a few well know and maybe not so well know psychologist and social workers who convinced me that, yes she should go back for closure and to get the message that her care givers were on board with this plan.
When we told our guide in China of our plans to bring Annie to the SWI she said she was shocked and did not advise it.
What to do? Who to listen to? More e-mails and consulting was needed to over ride my last minute doubting. Thank you Marilyn, Barbara in N.J. and others who spoke to me via e-mail all night long.
I went with my gut, we needed to take her back. We could not deprive her of this one time chance for a goodbye.
The morning was filled with tension and I am sure Annie could sense it. She mopped the floor with her body a few times, jerk and ran away in the lobby and had several "limp/dead weight" moments.
As we pulled up to the SWI I braced for impact. The building looked like any other building in China to me. Upon entering it was also the same...no heat and everyone moving around dressed for outdoor weather. We were told it housed 140 children all with "disabilities."
As I carried Annie in her demeanor was flat, very serious, detached. She did not wiggle to get down, in fact she did not move much at all.
Some staff greeted us down stairs calling her by name. You would have thought Annie had never seen them before. One reached out to her and she would not go to her.
We were taken up two flights of stairs to where she has lived for 3.5 years. The various rooms formed an open square center court yard. As we passed by a few rooms the nannies and child opened the windows to yell greetings and reach out to Annie.
She did not react and stayed in my arms.
At the end of the hall three nannies came to meet us. They genuinely seemed thrilled to see her, the feeling did not seem mutual. The one nanny ( name to be inserted later) was her main care giver since birth. She was very emotional. She took Annie from my arms as I bristled trying to access very quickly if this was a good idea. As I observed this women hugging and kissing our child I just as quickly thought how can this be bad. Annie seemed a bit indifferent. Her nanny asked to make sure we would take good care of her. We assured her we would. Our translator asked the nanny to tell Annie that she was going home with us and she was happy for Annie.
Annie looked at her like she was speaking Chinese... of course she was.
In our paper work we were told she was living in a foster family setting in within the SWI. That was not the case.
We saw the tiny bed lined room where she had slept. Annie, her nanny and went I went to what was her bed...still no reaction from her. The nanny explained how her bed had so sides on it because she is such a smart girl she never fell out.
We were then instructed to give our gifts to the nannies. Annie saw this, took the gifts and handed them to each. She then blew us all away by then waving and saying Goodbye! She was ready to leave.
Annie was asked if she wanted to go see her classmates in her preschool ( one flight down) Now Annie was excited! As a nanny tried to take her hand she refused turned to me and said: "Mama".
We walked hand in hand until we had almost reach her preschool door. She then bolted to her classroom.
Inside the dozen or so children mobbed her yelling her name. She was unfazed by the children pushing and jockeying for position near her. Annie had a bag of candy which she immediately handed the first two pieces to, who we were told, were her best friends. They received their candy first. She then went to each eager child, remembering as they skirted around, who she had given a piece to and who she had not until all were given out.
One child was heard saying: "Did XinTian find her foreign mother? Is that her?" They really had been educated as to what adoption was about. We also learned her two best friends had families coming for them soon.
The teachers patiently answer my list of questions about her life and experiences as best they could. "XinTian is so smart but she can have a mind of her own. Sometimes when she does not do the right thing we have to tell her she is wrong but sometimes she does not think what she did is wrong so she needs to sit and think about it."
When it was time to leave preschool Annie was crying hard but that was because she had just hit the corner of her eye on the sink and was bleeding a bit. Her teacher had her in her arms but when I reached for her she came to me and calmed down fascinated by the tiny drops of blood on the tissue she held to her eye.
When we were back in the lobby she came alive again. "Mowee" had her laughing, running and hiding.
The assistant director presented Annie with a gift, a jade Buddha necklace from the orphanage. She asked that we would help her to be proud of her country and maybe one day return to visit her homeland. We promised.
We were then presented with the most valuable gift. Annie's memory book from Half the Sky Foundation. It contains her life from the day she was found (1 day old) until we were able to come for her. It is complete with milestone photos and description of her life, experiences and developmental progress. She will not have blank pages in her baby book. What a gift!
Enter a few well know and maybe not so well know psychologist and social workers who convinced me that, yes she should go back for closure and to get the message that her care givers were on board with this plan.
When we told our guide in China of our plans to bring Annie to the SWI she said she was shocked and did not advise it.
What to do? Who to listen to? More e-mails and consulting was needed to over ride my last minute doubting. Thank you Marilyn, Barbara in N.J. and others who spoke to me via e-mail all night long.
I went with my gut, we needed to take her back. We could not deprive her of this one time chance for a goodbye.
The morning was filled with tension and I am sure Annie could sense it. She mopped the floor with her body a few times, jerk and ran away in the lobby and had several "limp/dead weight" moments.
As we pulled up to the SWI I braced for impact. The building looked like any other building in China to me. Upon entering it was also the same...no heat and everyone moving around dressed for outdoor weather. We were told it housed 140 children all with "disabilities."
As I carried Annie in her demeanor was flat, very serious, detached. She did not wiggle to get down, in fact she did not move much at all.
Some staff greeted us down stairs calling her by name. You would have thought Annie had never seen them before. One reached out to her and she would not go to her.
We were taken up two flights of stairs to where she has lived for 3.5 years. The various rooms formed an open square center court yard. As we passed by a few rooms the nannies and child opened the windows to yell greetings and reach out to Annie.
She did not react and stayed in my arms.
At the end of the hall three nannies came to meet us. They genuinely seemed thrilled to see her, the feeling did not seem mutual. The one nanny ( name to be inserted later) was her main care giver since birth. She was very emotional. She took Annie from my arms as I bristled trying to access very quickly if this was a good idea. As I observed this women hugging and kissing our child I just as quickly thought how can this be bad. Annie seemed a bit indifferent. Her nanny asked to make sure we would take good care of her. We assured her we would. Our translator asked the nanny to tell Annie that she was going home with us and she was happy for Annie.
Annie looked at her like she was speaking Chinese... of course she was.
In our paper work we were told she was living in a foster family setting in within the SWI. That was not the case.
We saw the tiny bed lined room where she had slept. Annie, her nanny and went I went to what was her bed...still no reaction from her. The nanny explained how her bed had so sides on it because she is such a smart girl she never fell out.
We were then instructed to give our gifts to the nannies. Annie saw this, took the gifts and handed them to each. She then blew us all away by then waving and saying Goodbye! She was ready to leave.
Annie was asked if she wanted to go see her classmates in her preschool ( one flight down) Now Annie was excited! As a nanny tried to take her hand she refused turned to me and said: "Mama".
We walked hand in hand until we had almost reach her preschool door. She then bolted to her classroom.
Inside the dozen or so children mobbed her yelling her name. She was unfazed by the children pushing and jockeying for position near her. Annie had a bag of candy which she immediately handed the first two pieces to, who we were told, were her best friends. They received their candy first. She then went to each eager child, remembering as they skirted around, who she had given a piece to and who she had not until all were given out.
One child was heard saying: "Did XinTian find her foreign mother? Is that her?" They really had been educated as to what adoption was about. We also learned her two best friends had families coming for them soon.
The teachers patiently answer my list of questions about her life and experiences as best they could. "XinTian is so smart but she can have a mind of her own. Sometimes when she does not do the right thing we have to tell her she is wrong but sometimes she does not think what she did is wrong so she needs to sit and think about it."
When it was time to leave preschool Annie was crying hard but that was because she had just hit the corner of her eye on the sink and was bleeding a bit. Her teacher had her in her arms but when I reached for her she came to me and calmed down fascinated by the tiny drops of blood on the tissue she held to her eye.
When we were back in the lobby she came alive again. "Mowee" had her laughing, running and hiding.
The assistant director presented Annie with a gift, a jade Buddha necklace from the orphanage. She asked that we would help her to be proud of her country and maybe one day return to visit her homeland. We promised.
We were then presented with the most valuable gift. Annie's memory book from Half the Sky Foundation. It contains her life from the day she was found (1 day old) until we were able to come for her. It is complete with milestone photos and description of her life, experiences and developmental progress. She will not have blank pages in her baby book. What a gift!
Wow - what a day...you are tremendously strong, loving people. Annie Myers is a smart little girl who obviously knows true love when she feels it.
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